Still here

I'm one year out from having my lapband placed. The 50 pound celebration was short-lived, I bounced back up 4 pounds, or maybe the scale in Michigan was just wrong all along. I don't know.. I'm just considering it a fluctuation.. I'll get it back down, I know I will. I struggled all September feeling like a failure because of that, so I finally went in and got a fill. I'm tight now. It's helping. I'm down 2 pounds. But I'm also exercizing routinely. At least 3x/week, usually a couple more on my own. I take Zumba classes at my gym and I absolutely LOVE it. I even go in for a 7am class on Tuesday mornings. If someone had told me I'd be at the gym that early I would have laughed. I love my sleep.. but I love how I feel after Zumba, and it's just so much fun dancing and laughing with all the friends I've made.

So back to this fill.. and the tightness. I like that I am eating less and feeling satisfied. I don't like that I am getting stuck more and finding myself having to be more careful. I think I might go and talk to a therapist, as I think I might have food issues. Not surprising, many overweight people do. I just don't understand why sometimes I am so weak and try to eat things that I KNOW I shouldn't. Kids hadn't had pancakes/waffles in a long time.. they are off from school for a couple days so my son dug out my Belgian waffle iron and asked sweetly, please mom? So yesterday I made them.. and I had one bite.. and it was fine.. it was enough. Not a problem. This morning, I made a 1/4 of a waffle.. and ate it very slowly.. knowing every bite was like playing with fire. Halfway through, I got stuck. I stood in the bathroom sliming and spitting it out(extra saliva comes up when you are stuck). And I just thought to myself " what is wrong with me???" I don't know if other bandsters do these things, tempt fate, eat stuff they know they shouldn't. I really only have friends I've met on Lapbandtalk to discuss it with, and most of them are model bandsters, never pushing the envelope. It makes me feel so stupid that even with a surgically installed band around my stomach I still have issues. I know I've made progress too. I know 90% of the time I DO make better choices.. so I shouldn't beat myself up.
Well.. the sun looks like its trying to come out.. maybe I'll call the orchard and see if they have any apples left this late in the season.. we missed our Apple Picking this year.. oops!