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Sunday, June 28, 2009

Holding Steady..












Nothing much to report. I'm struggling. I was going along doing well with exercise and bam, I fell off the wagon. I don't really know how to explain what happened. I think I was pushing myself too hard, setting expectations too high, I don't really know. I just know that I got a bad sunburn and then my knee started hurting. Then I started dreading the treadmill. I took a week off.. and one week turned into 2.. then into 3. I am walking again. I have even finally started running again with the podrunner music, gradually. I went back to week 2. I'm not going to try to advance until I'm really ready. I walked/ran yesterday 2.5 miles while my daughter was at cheer practice. This morning we are up at the lake and I did a nice half hour walk/run. The weight loss just isn't going to happen unless I get more consistent with the exercise. Must. Move. Body.





My band seems to have gotten loose, and I am able to eat things I normally cannot. Well, then just don't eat them, right? It is easier said than done. I try not to fully rely on my band to keep my eating in check, but it is hard. It's still all a mind game. Bread? I CAN eat bread? Wait, my mind says, that means I could eat a biscuit! So yeah.. guess what I ate. :: sigh::: I know one biscuit didn't make me fat. But the battle with the white carbs is my big downfall. I don't know why even after having surgery we, or I do anyways, still have a desire to 'test' the band. Yes.. it's there.. yes.. if I screw up I will be in pain. I wish just knowing that was enough. But nooooooo... oh.. a bite of bread went down.. oh.. another one went down.. ohhh I didn't get stuck.. let me try a little more next time. It's like playing with fire. This morning I ate eggs. I've written about my adventures with eggs before. I haven't been stupid enough to try them for over a month now.. but today.. well, gee the bread/pasta have been going down, let's just give it a shot. Sure enough, eggs went down. I need a fill. I get shoulder pain sometimes still, so I hate to push the envelope and get a fill. But... I'm pushing the envelope way too much without one. It just sucks. I wish it was easier. I love my band, I love that I've lost weight. But this battle with food is still front and center. Will it ever end?





Oh.. and to top it off.. I had to buy new bras today. And my cup size.. is smaller.. and this makes me sad. I always felt like I had a nice ample chest. And now.. well.. the girls are looking mighty pitiful. I'm a smaller frame, I should celebrate it, but this is one area I'm just not thrilled to see shrinking.





Sorry this post is such a downer. I'm feeling wonderful, really I am. Summer has started for the kids and we are up at the lake house. Here are some pictures.. My son at Field day... daugher graduating middle school.. and today swimming in the lake..


Facing 40 with a Smile!