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Thursday, January 29, 2009

Rough Week!

I've fallen off the food wagon. For the past 2 days I've just been so out of control. Even pushing the limits eating things that I KNOW could get stuck. Yesterday the kids were home from school for a snowday and I made Belgian Waffles.. which really are just doughy bread. With fresh strawberries, raspberries and whipped cream! Every bite I was thinking 'this could be the one' but no.. I didn't get stuck. I only ate half of a waffle though, I mean still a bazillion calories, but in the preband days, I would have had a whole one plus another 1/2! Usually one with fruit and cream, and then the next one with syrup and nuts. So what did I have today? Another half with syrup and nuts. LOL. I'm still bad, it just takes me 2 days to do what used to take me an hour. But why did I do this at all? I can't figure it out. I was doing so well, I've even done Jillian Michaels Shred workout a few times and was feeling REALLY GOOD! And then dinner last night.. chinese food.. WITH RICE. OMG! so out of control! Tonight for dinner I decided to just have a protein shake. I just felt like I had done enough damage and the pork ribs just didn't look like something I could tackle. I hope this is the end of my binge. Sounds stupid that I'm the one that puts the food in my mouth and yet I am also the one NOT knowing whether this is the end of it. Control. Sometimes I have it and sometimes I still so definitely do not. Just a reminder that this surgery is not magic. There is still alot of work to be done. I doubt I will have lost any weight @ tomorrow's weigh in. My only hope is that I didn't gain either. But who knows. Waffles. Salty Chinese food. Potato Chips. Ice cream. It was a heckova week! I get another fill a week from tomorrow. This time I think I do need it.
I hope my daughter goes back to school tomorrow. Poor thing has been sick all week. Fever, coughing, and sore throat. Yuck! Hope I avoid that gunk. I've been trying to disinfect anything I could think of that she would have touched. I've been taking my Airborne too.. that stuff works pretty good for me usually. ( knock on wood)
Well.. off to bed.. tomorrow is Friday and my weigh in day.. I'll keep you posted.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Another week another pound!

I am finally getting into a pattern of weekly losses. I really think posting the scrapbook page on the wall by the scale has helped. Each Friday I write down my weight. It is helpful to see the #'s going down. I used to get frustrated by 1 pound losses when I would work sooo hard and wish for better results. But seeing it there on the wall, all the #'s lined up, well it's not so bad. In December when it started I weighed 178. Yesterday I weighed in @170.5. This week I lost 2 pounds! The difference was exercise. I know I need to do it, I know that its part of any successful weight loss journey. But I still struggle to squeeze it in every day. This week I squeezed it in twice. Once on the Wii Fit and once with Jillian Michaels(30 day shred DVD). It's 20 minutes of my life.. how many excuses can you come up with to avoid 20 minutes? TWENTY MINUTES. I'm going to try really hard to make them a priority. I really liked the way losing TWO pounds felt this week. Maybe that will be enough inspiration! lets hope... There are about 6 more weeks on this page for my Winter Weight Loss scrapbook page.
On Thursdays my girlfriend Jen and I usually go out shopping and out to lunch somehwere. We talk about all the things we wish we were doing, we are both busy moms. She just had a baby in October and has 2 other girls as well. So we decided tht instead of going out for lunch, and spending money and eating excess calories, we are going to start scrapbooking on those Thursdays. I'm very excited about this. I am someone that buys all the scrapbook stuff, but never actually does it. My intention is always there, but finding them time is not so easy. I have several scrapbooks with only a page or 2 completed.. and.. um.. my kids are 9 and 13. And those are their BABY books.. yikes! And I have all my "before" pictures from the Lapband too that I really should start making a book out of. So I think this will be a good thing and make me feel more productive in my life. Have a great week..

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Staying focused

It is hard to stay focused on weight loss. But at the same time, having the band makes it impossible for me to slack off too much. And while I love that aspect of it, it's a bit of a pain too. Like last night, hubby was bringing home dinner, steak sandwiches or Hamburger wedges. Trying to be helpful, trying to make it so I didn't have to think too much about dinner. But wait! I can't eat that! So he suggested how about salad with steak on it, but I got that last time and it was wayy too much steak and it was warm and made my salad all soggy. I know some people like that whole hot/cold contrast thing. I do not. Don't go puttin warm stuff on my salad.. EVER. lol! So I had 1/2 a cheeseburger wedge, minus the wedge bread. And then I threw some veggies in the microwave, and he had gotten me a salad too. For whatever reason it all just didn't seem to sit well in my stomach. and I was so thirsty but have to wait at least 30 minutes before drinking after a meal. By then the urge had passed and then drinking more just felt like adding to my stomach ache. And then I was so full and bloated feeling I couldn't drink the rest of the night, so I know I fell short on my fluid intake. Arghhh it is all such a balance sometimes! As much as I love the band and how it keeps me on track, it would be nice to just eat without thinking about it so darn much sometimes.

It's only Tuesday.. this week already seems to be dragging. I don't know why I am always in such a hurry lately. Maybe its because I don't weigh in until Friday? Maybe for the Spring Weigh-in's I'll make my weigh in days during the week. I already have a scrapbook page hanging by the scale with all the Fridays through February listed, so I can't change my day yet!
I don't know how I will do this week. I've been snacking on junk again, must be PMSing again already. I'm not beating myself up, just dealing with it and moving on. This is part of my life, part of my struggle with food. It's not going to go away over night. I will just try to add some more exercise to my day to compensate. speaking of which, it is time for me to hit the treadmill. Have a great day.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

40 is the new 30!

On Monday I turned a whopping 40! I had really hoped to make my goal.. 40lbs by my 40th Birthday.. but I didn't quite make it. I was feeling kind of blue. So my best friend suggested we go to the mall and do lunch and celebrate my birthday. So we went in Cold Water Creek which was having huge sales.. and I tried a few things on.. and then I saw some size 14 Petite's sitting there. So I quietly took them into the dressing room with me. They fit! Ofcourse I got all choked up.. and was sure that they must just be cut 'big'. So I took a couple blouses in to try on.. this really cute tailored white zip front blouse. Size Petite Medium. I usually stay away from petite blouses because of my boobs.. but I've been noticing my shoulders look smaller. So anyway.. I put it on.. and it zipped up.. it was tight.. I wouldn't go out in public wearing it at this point.. but OMG.. it somewhat kind of sort of fit. I texted my BFF to come to the dressing room.. she came and saw it and said.. wow.. look how skinny you look? More tears.. She almost cried too.. so she made me laugh and left me there. LOL It was such a great feeling. I can't always see the weight loss when I look in the mirror. And God knows the scale is not always telling me what I want to hear.. but clearly my body is changing.


Facing 40 with a Smile!