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Sunday, December 28, 2008

Westport Young Woman's League Minute Man 5K & 10K Race
Sunday, April 26, 2009, 07:45 AM


I am going to do this! My first 5K. I've been talking about doing one.. I've been running occasionally on my treadmill, and now I'm going to really do it! It's a family event, I may bring my kids with me too! I'll have to see how into training they are, I only registered myself at this point, can always add them later. It is a fundraiser so once I get my webpage up I'll post a link in case anyone is interested.

I'm having a great weekend. I bought some Muscle Milk Protein powder yesterday at GNC and it was $22 off. I love a bargain. And I had heard that the Cookies & Cream flavor was pretty good.. indeed it is. I had one shake last night and one for breakfast. I've not really been focusing on getting all my protein and calories in lately, but looking back I realize it is when I am at the high end of my calorie intake that I am losing weight. And I need the protein to make me feel full, and more importantly FOR MY HAIR. And I do think it boosts my energy too. Nothing wrong with that!

I'm up at the Lake this weekend, heading back tomorrow or Tuesday. I don't have to work until Wednesday. Hubby and the kids will be up here all week. I will take that time alone at home to spend some extra time at the Gym.

Well, that's about it.. as my daughter would say: " Peace Out"

Friday, December 26, 2008

I know it is the holidays, but I am getting frustrated with the scale! Yes.. I have had a bite of this and a bite of that ( cookies, fudge, etc.) But I hardly eat anything at meals, well at least compared to the way I used to eat. The scale hasn't moved. Right after I got my 2nd fill I lost 2 more pounds.. but then the last 2-3 weeks.. nothing! I weigh myself on Friday.. I got on this morning thinking surely this week it would move and I could greet the new year and my 40th birthday with hopes of reaching my goal. Same weight. :: sigh:: I wanted to lose 40lbs by my 40th birthday. My birthday is a week from Monday.. which means an 8 lb loss to reach the goal. Yikes! I need to go on the Biggest Loser Ranch to pull weightloss like that! LOL

I did make it to the gym this week, although the weight training appt was cancelled due to snow. I have another appointment with Claudia next week to learn more about weight training. Santa also brought me an exercise ball. ($6 @ Sears, woohoo) so I am going to work on my abs with that since I hate laying flat on the floor. On a positive note, my water intake has improved dramatically. Yayy, I'm getting in 40 ounces out of habit now and only struggle with the last 20.
And I did have a small victory on Christmas Eve that I think I will write about. I was stuffing the stockings and usually fill them with small items and then fill the rest with loose candy. I was sitting there with the bags of candy and knew if I opened the bags, I'd eat a bit of each ( peanut M&M's and PBcups). So... instead .. I just shoved a whole bag into each kids stockings. The next day they opened stockings, and traded with each other so they ended up with some of each kind of candy anyways. So I went to bed feeling proud of myself for resisting the urge to wolf down the candy.
So.. I guess even though the scale isn't moving, I'm making progress. These bad habits aren't just going to go away overnight. I still love potato chips. I still like fried food. But I'm learning to make better choices.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Getting Stuck

Well, it finally happened... I got what is called 'stuck' (in bandster language). It means that something I ate didn't want to pass through the tight part of my stoma where the Lapband is. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time to work its way through, other times you end up throwing it up, or what is called "productive burping". Luckily I just needed a bit of time and it passed on its own. It was a hairy 15 minutes though while I paced the bathroom at the mall wondering if I was going to have my first PB experience too. I did not. I took some Papaya enzymes( said to help break down food and allow it to pass easier) and it seemed to work. What an awful feeling though, I will definitely be more careful. I had my 2nd fill over a week ago, and I definitely have restriction now. I think I had gotten a little relaxed on the whole chewing and taking tiny bite routine. Well.. after that painful, unpleasant reminder, I won't be lax again -that is for sure. OUCH. So the band is working. I'm eating less.. but still the weight loss is slow. But that's okay.. I know slow and steady win the race. And so far no hanging skin.. woohoo!

I saw my Gyno the other day for my annual and she was VERY pleased and asked me all kinds of questions about Lapband and the requirements. She then said, I'm sorry I never suggested it, I know you struggled with weight loss, but I hadn't realized you'd be a candidate.Common misconception. I always thought you had to be at least a 100 pounds overweight too. You don't. We chatted a while and I ended by telling her if she had any patients that wanted to talk to someone that had been through it to give them my number.

I hit my 30 lb loss mark. I am so thrilled.. sometimes I just can't believe it when I look at the scale and the smaller numbers. It really feels like a miracle. I struggled for so long and always felt like such a failure-- I love this!
Oh.. one more thing.. I highly reccomend the Wii Fit. Omgosh is that fun. I did the Hula Hoop game with my daughter the other night and we were laughing and having a great time.. the next day my abs were sooo sore. I guess I was working out harder than I thought. and the Yoga is fun too.. as long as nobody is around. I do that one when the kids are at school because I am such an unbalanced clod. The kids just laugh..limber little shits.. LOL For Christmas I got my daughter All Star Cheer Squad- a cheerleading game for the Wii. Should be fun.

Off to do more shopping and try to get my Christmas cards addressed and mailed.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Good Morning!

I hope you all had a fabulous Thanksgiving. Mine was terrific. My parents drove across Canada (from MI) to come stay with us at our cabin upstate NY. We all had a great time. It is always great to get a little time with your mom. Well, I guess maybe not everyone feels that way, but I do. We cooked, shopped, talked, just had a nice time. They were happy to see my weight loss, but surprised by how much I can still eat. But I was surprised too.. I mean, it's not as much as before, but I was still able to eat a full plate of Thanksgiving food, with about 1/2 cup of each food. And Pie.. it took a few hours later, but I had room for pie too! Monday I went and got a fill! Monday night I had some soup, and then felt full for hours! Even a little too full.. but I'm sure I'll get used to it. I still showed a loss by the Doc's scale, but I know it was a 2 pound gain from last week. Pie. I'm sure. Oh well.. today is a new day, this is a new week, and even a new month! Lots of opportunities....
On Thursday I am meeting with Claudia, the nutrionist/trainer woman from my gym. We are going to go over weight training. I'm excited. Building muscles boosts your metabolism. I want to try to map out a clear schedule of work outs.. correction.. I want to map out a schedule of workouts. Not try. Do.
I was reading a a success story on lapbandtalk.com and the person had done a triathlon and was just really inspiring. Do you know what they call the last person to finish a triathlon? The same thing they call the first person, a triathlete. I love that saying. Now, mind you, I don't think I will ever do a triathlon as I am not much of a swimmer, but I am still planning on doing a 5K this spring.
Off to start my day.. have a good one!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

The pounds are falling off.. but..SO IS THE HAIR!

My hair is falling out. On my clothes. In the shower. In my car. I am just shedding all over the place. It is really starting to freak me out because I am afraid it is going to get to the point of being noticable. I bought shampoo to strengthen hair. I bought Biotin supplements.I make sure I eat enough protein every day. But still, it keeps falling out. I know it's only temporary. I know that. But when it's happening.. it seems like the end of the world. I've always really liked my hair. I get highlights occasionally.. and right now I don't even want to do that and risk stressing it out more. This side effect sucks. Yes.. it's normal, although not everyone experiences it after surgery, I guess I just got lucky. :: sigh::

Maybe I'll just get it cut short.. at least then the pieces won't look like as much hair when it falls out. Oh well.. in the big picture, this temporary frustration is minor. I would not want the 27 pounds I lost back to get my hair back. It is worth enduring this to be healthier.. .. well, at least I keep telling myself it is. When I look in the mirror and wonder if I was always able to see my scalp or if this is new I am not sure.
-2 lbs this week.. EVEN during TOM. I have never ever ever lost weight during that week. Yayy me. I was dialing the phone the other day and thought..'wow.. my fingers look thinner' .. and then I giggled. Of all the places to notice weight loss.. my FINGERS?? lol! But hey.. I'll take it!

Have a great week.. I'm going up to Lake George to our cabin and my parents are driving here from Michigan. I can't wait to see them. It will be our first Thanksgiving up at the cabin, I hope I remember everything. I've had a list going for about a week now and I keep adding to it. Things will pop into my head.. like.. potato masher!.. gotta bring that! I won't get up there til Wednesday night, or I would have just bought one for up there. But I'm sure stores will be a mad house Wednesday night. I hope everyone enjoys their holiday and are among friends and family. I'm not worried about pigging out. It's just one day.. and I bought a No Added Sugar Apple pie (made with splenda) and they had samples, and I thought it was really good. If I don't lose weight this week, I'm okay with that. I'm finally starting to have confidence that I CAN do this. Even when I fail, and make bad choices, I get up the next day and try again. It's all we can do...

Take care and enjoy.. see ya!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Lazy Saturday


The house is quiet. My hubby took the kids up to his sister's house as he had to do some electrical work for her, new lights in her kitchen or something. The kids enjoy going up there (1 1/2 hours away) I really have nothing in common with my sister-in-law, so I opted to stay home. If he doesn't finish the job, they will stay overnight there. I was definitely not on board for that! So me and my brown dog are hanging out at home. In the rain, taking a quiet day to clean and reflect. Well, that's what I am doing anyways, not sure how much reflecting Chocolate Labs do.. lol. And cleaning? Well, she isn't too good at THAT either!



This week I lost 2lbs. I'm getting to a weight I haven't been in 10 years... and that is very exciting for me. In all my diets, I was never able to lose more than 20 lbs. The deprivation would get the better of me, and I'd have a little here, a little there, and before I knew it I was back where I started plus a few. I'm now down 26lbs. I lost 2 lbs this week. And I kept off the 2 lbs I lost last week-- which I wasn't so sure I would do. Last weekend was my daughters 13th birthday. And we had a few celebrations.. and I ate.. and ate.. and ate. It really scared me that I was eating garbage (onion rings, bacon, cake, etc.) And when I weighed myself on Tuesday after that weekend, the 2 lbs I had lost were back on! No!!!! That is what I would struggle with on weightwatchers.. Up 2, down 2, I swear I lost the same 5 lbs 10x in 6 months. So I went back to basics... the band is a TOOL, it can't do everything! I'm proud of the fact that my binging was dramatically reduced amounts than I would have eaten in the past, but it was a wake up call that I need to make better choices. I felt gross after eating that stuff. Bloated, just gross, (and ended up with a big ugly pimple on my face too). So this week I upped my water, upped my protein, and had intended to up my exercise, but well.. 2 out of 3. I have to get better at exercising. I will be at that Gym Monday morning to start weights. And I will be on my treadmill at least 3 times.

I go back and see Claudia (my trainer) this week for another assessment. I still cannot do sit ups. Maybe she can show me some machines that will help build my Abs so I can conquer this hurdle. I do crunches, I do the exercises I see in mags to build Ab muscles, but for her assessment, it is how many full sit-ups I can do! Grr.. If I make enough progress, I get a FREE year at the Hospital Gym. But it can't just be pounds lost, my overall fitness level has to improve. So by golly I am going to conquer these darn sit-ups!

Happy Saturday...

Monday, November 3, 2008

No More Whining!

I woke up this morning and decided I needed to just put on my shoes and do it! Get my butt on that treadmill. So I did. I bought an MP3 player but I have no music on it yet. My daughter just got a new iPod after saving her allowance for 2 months, so I inherited her old mP3 player. I fired it up and got my butt on the treadmill. I didn't feel like doing my 'podrunner' workout, so I just sifted through her music and found stuff I could walk/run to. She had some good tunes on there. And some that I was horrified listening to the lyrics. Have you ever really listened to the lyrics of Smak That? "bend you over, look back and see me smak that' lol.. yikes! Had a good beat though.. And for part of the workout I was really RUNNING and it really is getting easier. I was running to Lita Ford Kiss Me Deadly.. and singing along.. LOL. Glad nobody was home, I'm sure I was quite a sight. " Kiss me Once... Kiss me twice... come on pretty babyyyyyyyyy" .. LOL today is a better day. I feel like I was just whining too much on that last entry. Yes, I'm having a hard time controlling myself with food, but thats life, thats reality. I can't rely on the band to do everything for me. I'm lucky enough to have a treadmill and belong to a great gym through my work. I need to take advantage of these things!! Thanks for the encouraging words... off to chug some H2O .. agua.. water!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Discouraged

Last week I went for my 2nd fill. When I got there and weighed in they showed I had lost 6 lbs in 2 weeks. Dr. Floch said that was great, but honestly I still think they had my weight incorrect at the visit 2 weeks prior, but I wasn't going to argue. I told him how I sometimes struggle to get enough protein and calories, but am getting better at making sure I get enough of everything in and have gone back to protein shakes when needed. He decided that since I was doing so well that we wouldn't do a fill. I was okay with that decision, but at the same time a little disappointed. I want to succeed, and do feel that sometimes I still eat too much. He said he wanted to see me back in 3-4 weeks and if we need to we will do a fill then. As it turns out, I couldn't get an appointment until December 1st. I figured that would be fine, but now after this past week I am starting to worry that it's going to be too far away. I can eat alot. I'm getting hungry at night. I try to eat snacks that are good for me like the Edamame, or pop corn, but potato chips go down pretty easy unfortunately. I did terrible this week with exercize. I just couldn't seem to find the motivation to get on that treadmill, or walk, or just well, anything. Granted I did have a migraine Tuesday and most of Wednesday and ended up staying home from work Wednesday, but I need to move daily. I just feel like such a slug. I weighed in on Friday and it showed I lost a pound, but stupid me jumped on the scale again on Saturday and it was back up one. So I don't know whether to count it or not. I hate the scale and the pull it has over me. I need to hide it.
Tonight I made a pork roast, redskin roasted potoates and steamed broccoli. I was able to eat 2 pieces of pork, about 3/4 cup of broccoli and 1/2 cup of potatoes. Then I ate a few more potatoes as I cleaned up. This is too much, I know it is, I'm only supposed to be able to eat about a cup of food TOTAL. I didn't feel any restriction at all from the band. Soo.. I think I will call and see if I can get into the doctor to get a fill. I've only lost a pound in the last 2 weeks. Total weight loss is 22 lbs. I know.. better than nothing, better than gaining, but I wish I was feeling more successful.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

2 lbs!

Okay.. not looking at the scale seemed to have helped. And quite a challenge I must say. I put a suitcase on the scale so I woudln't be tempted to just step on.. I didn't get on it all week and just tried to focus on getting enough water and protein and following the basic Lapband rules. And I got on Friday and was down 2 lbs.. I know how it fluctuates so I didn't get excited.. I got on the scale again today and the 2lbs are still gone.. So... I'm counting that! Yayy.. I'm so happy.. Wii fit showed it as a 4lb loss.. but I will go with my scale and accept the 2 pounds happily.

I'm putting away my summer clothes and it is odd to me to think that next summer alot of these clothes wont fit me. Alot of them already are too big. I'm excited to buy new clothes ofcourse, who doesn't love to go shopping. But I'm sad too as I really had alot of pretty clothes that I enjoyed wearing. I may have to learn to ebay again. I haven't ebayed in years and it seems like it has gotten so complicated now. That or start trying to find a consignment shop. I would like to know that someone is getting use out of the clothes I spent my hard earned money on!

Okay.. back to my closet.. Just had to share my good news.. 2 pounds!! woohoo.. 21 pound total loss now. :)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Still here..

I'm still here.. still learning about this Lapband around my stomach. I can eat most everything so far, although a few times have worried I over did it. This weekend we went up to the Lake and had company with us all weekend. I was trying to not make a fuss and just eat what everyone was eating. I did fairly well. However on Saturday night I made Guacamole and was snacking away on that with tostito's while cooking dinner and realized that when dinner was ready.. I was already full! I ate one rib. And sat the rest of the night praying it wouldn't come back up. I took some papaya enzyme, and it seemed to help. Next morning I was fine and was able to eat regularly again. I don't think I lost any weight this weekend, but I have not gotten on the scale. I am trying so hard not to weigh myself. I want to base my success on how I feel, rather than a number. I did my Podrunner workout twice this weekend, once with my kids, which was fun. My 9 year old ran along next to me and had a great time, even if he couldn't hear the music, lol. What a trooper! I loved that I was being an "active fun mom" That meant more to me than any number on the scale. :)

Back at home tonight I came home from work and ate a small handfull of potato chips. I know thats not the end of the world, but I wish that I didn't crave salty carbo snacks so much. I guess on a positive note, I did eat some McD's french fries this weekend on the trip and then afterwards, sitting there thirsty as heck(since you you can't drink with meals) I realized that was a stupid move. The next time the family wanted fast eas McDonalds, I didn't have anything! I looked at the fries and thought.. nahhh not worth it. I do find that I am looking at food now and thinking about whether its worth it or not. I think thats normal from what other lapbanders have told me.

I have gotten better about getting my water in, but am still struggling to eat enough protein. Soo.. that's my goal. Talk to you later..Oh.. and welcome new readers. I've never had readers before.. how exciting. :)

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

1st Fill!

I went for my first fill yesterday.. I was expecting a bit of pain when they put the needle in.. I felt NOTHING. I looked down and there he was already removing/injecting saline.. I was so suprised. I told him I didn't even feel that, and he said.." no, I went in through your scar, which is usually numb." Wow.. how cool is that? So I have 3 cc's in my band. I totally forgot to ask how big of a band I have and feel like an idiot now that I don't even know this. I guess I'll call the office, I just hate to make them pull my chart and all, I worked in a Dr.'s office and know what a pain it can be sometimes finding charts. I'm on liquids for a couple days now and then back to mushies. I can definitely feel some tightness now on my stomach. Water goes down, but I do burp a few times. And this morning when I woke up I had a wierd feeling and coughed a few times. I hope I'm not too tight..
On the weight loss front I am still holding at 18 pounds. But I dropped a size. I'm trying not to focus on what the scale says and even asked my daughter to hide the scale for me. I want to focus on working out and eating right, regardless of the scale and its hold oveer me. Last night I did the first "couch to 5k" workout. Holy moly did it kick my ass.. I only did a half hour, I felt like I was gonna die! But I was running.. and surviving.. wow! I'm really proud of myself. I'm going to do it again today, or maybe I should just walk today. Either way, I will do something to move my body today. I need to jumpstart my metabolism.
have a great day!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Stage 4

I'm on stage 4 foods now. Soft foods.. the next phase after mushies, but before being able to eat anything. Soft poached or boiled meats, like turkey meatloaf. I have tried Corned beef hash, that goes down easy(too easy, it's way too fattening) Luckily I can only eat about 2/3 of a cup of it. . And I had a few bites of Beef w/ Broccoli chinese food last night. I chewed it 35 some odd times like I was supposed to and I did fine. I'm really focusing on listening to when I am full. I am terrified of throwing up or having something get 'stuck'. I feel like I don't have enough restriction, but I'm really afraid of getting a fill and being too tight. Did I mention how much I hate throwing up? But then again.. the scale didn't move for 3 weeks! But finally.. today. I am down 2 more pounds. My total loss is 19 pounds. I can't wait for it to be 25. That just sounds like such a good number! "Oh yes.. I had surgery and I've already lost TWENTY-FIVE pounds .." see? doesn't that sound wonderful to say??? I'll keep you posted.. I WANT to say that soon. My goal is to lose 8 lbs by Halloween. That's 6 weeks away. That's only a little over a pound a week. Should be doable. It's my first real Goal I've announced out loud and didn't feel like it was unattainable. Feeling good.. and feeling empowered!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Getting easier...

Every day life gets a little better with the lapband. I go in for my one week checkup tomorrow. At that point I believe I'll be able to have full liquids (vs. the clear I'm currently on.) Which is great news.. because I'm seriously worried about my protein intake. The protein water is disgusting. It's got kind of a slick texture, hard to swallow. It's just not good. I mix it with water and that helps, but then that is that much more of it that I have to drink. 20ounces= 40g of protein. I got about 2/3 of it down yesterday, but the day before that I just coudln't stomach it, and today I had one glass and it was all I could do not to throw up. So ONE day of good protein intake.. the rest have all sucked. I'm taking Biotin supplements for my hair- hopefully a week without adequate protein will not do too much damage to my precious hair. As far as the pain goes I'm doing so much better. Still occasional bits of shoulder pain, but the heating pad does seem to help that. No more weight lost though.. but I'm not going to be discouraged. I will add the gym soon and then see how it goes. Since all I'm drinking is fluids, my body has probably gone into starvation mode and is holding onto every calorie for dear life! I'm excited to hit 20 though. That will be nice. But I already feel better.. so I want to stay focused on that rather than the scale.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Home

I'm home and having a rough time. I ended up staying in the hospital for 2 nights, as I was not able to drink enough fluids for them to want to send me home. I was feeling terribly bloated and like something 'just wasn't right'. I felt like I had gone to the Fair and eaten one of everything! seriously not fun. Dr. Floch came to see me after his office hours on Friday and said that when he placed my band it was loose, so he had added 2 CC's of fluid. Which is normal, but that maybe I was too tight. He did an unfill right there in my bed, through my very tender abdomen. I just sat there trying to be tough and held onto the thought that maybe this would relieve the pain/bloating I was feeling. It didn't relieve it instantly, but at least the procedure was over, and I was hopeful. I was in so much pain at that point, that him prodding around really wasn't as bad as it could have been. He was sorry he hadn't come armed with some lidocaine, but hadn't expected to be unfilling me. The bloating feeling remained that night, but I was able to walk around.. so I just walked and walked walked for at least an hour or so. My nurse was very sympathetic and would rub my back and ask how I was doing when I'd pass her in the hall. When I settled down to sleep the gas pains in my shoulder were still pretty bad so I asked for pain meds. It worked and I slept for a solid 3 hours-- first time since I had been there. The next morning I woke up feeling so much better. I drank my whole tea, I finished my water cups (1 every 15 minutes for 2 hours or so). When Dr. Floch came by he saw I was doing so much better so they let me go home. Well.. at home I was doing okay, drinking tea, eating broth, but then I end up at night with that same bloated feeling. GasX doesn't seem to really help. I can't figure out what the problem is.. I'm trying to get in as much fluid as possible, but there is NO way I am making 2 liters. yesterday I got in 1 liter, barely. but they had released me saying that was my minimum, but 2 was better.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

SURGERY DAY!!

The day has finally come for surgery! Wow.. it seemed so far away and now it's HERE. The start of my new life.. a whole new adventure. I'm looking forward to feeling better, to finally feeling successful with losing weight. Already I'm down 10 lbs from a month ago. The pre op diet was awful but I survived. I've heard from others that part really is one of the hardest parts. I did break down and cheat one night and have a shrimp and 3 little broccoli crowns, but I figured as long as it wasn't carbs-- I'd be okay. Shhhh. That was 5 days ago, it should all be out of my system by now. My stomach is sure growling loudly-- I think it's tired of jell-O, broth and popsicles. Me too. Off to shower and face this day... xoxo

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Pre Op Diet

Okay.. plugging along on the pre op diet. I get 4 drinks and 2 protein type bars every day. Thats it, that's all my nutritional needs, pre packaged and oh-so-yummy. Well, let me just say.. GROSS. The French Vanilla optifast drinks remind me of baby formula. So today at walmart I was looking for Drink Mixes to add to water bottles.. I can't have Aspartame so I was checking out all the varieties with Splenda. And I found Splenda coffee additives.. in flavors like Hazelnut and Mocha.. I added them to my Optifast and guess what? YUM!!! I think I might just survive after all. whew. Tomorrow I will be driving in the car all day as we return home from our trip to Michigan. I'll have to remember to feed my kids.. LOL.


Less that 2 weeks away...

Friday, August 15, 2008

Pre Op Visit

I had my pre op visit today. When I got there she had a bunch of paperwork for me to fill out. So I take my clipboard and go sit down.. and OhMyGosh.. it was a QUIZ!! All about Lapband do's and don'ts. And some were fill in the blank, I couldn't even guess by multiple choice! At first I panicked and thought about how long it had been since I read the pamphlet and did the interactive Emmi program online. But once I started reading the questions, the answers started coming back to me. I turned it in and then sat there hoping I did okay.. finally the nurse called me and we went to an exam room and we went over everything. Whew.. I passed, LOL. Then Dr. Floch came in and we had a nice long chat about all of my fears/concerns. He was patient and listened and said what I am feeling is normal, and that he didn't want me to feel like he or his staff was trying to 'talk me into' anything, and if I wanted to wait or not proceed it was absolutely fine. But he went over my whole chart and showed me my bloodwork and how I was borderline diabetic. And he reviewed the 5 page questionaire I filled out 5 months ago before my first consult. He said, "it looked to me like you were ready, you sailed through all your testing (upper GI, etc.) and were very eager. A little bit of cold feet now is normal, I don't want anyone to convince you that simply being nervous is reason enough to NOT have the surgery, anymore than I want to try to convince you that you SHOULD have it." He told me to sit alone, and really think about it and make my decision, and then try to feel comfortable in that decision. It did help. I was once again able to see the positives and feel the excitement of all of this. I just know if I don't do this.. and I fail @ weight loss yet again.. and then if my insurance won't pay.. I'd feel just awful that I didn't take the this wonderful opportunity when I had the chance.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Less than a month.

Less than a month now before I am banded. My surgery date is scheduled for 9/4/08. I've been watching alot of you tube videos from people that were banded. Some of them are so focused on food, and what can I eat, and what gets stuck. I am nervous about this part. If I was good and planning meals ahead and being careful about what I eat, I wouldn't be as overweight as I am now. My husband has also expressed concern that this isn't something he thinks I can do. Ouch. I know he is just worried about me, but I need him to support me and have faith in me. Although, that has never been his strong suit, so I really should not be expecting sudden miracles NOW. Anyways.. I just have doubts. I see the surgeon next week for my pre-op and will definitely talk to him about my concerns. I've joined a gym, omitted soda, and have lost 12 lbs in the last 6 weeks. Yayy.. but part of me wonders if I should just keep going on my own.. but the other part knows I will still struggle to keep it off even if I do lose weight. I've never lost more than 20 lbs in my life. 10-15 is my max and then I just seem to plateau and get frustrated and eventually just put it all back on.
The other thing I worry about is being obsessed with losing weight fast. Some people seem disappointed by 2 lb weight loss/week. I am fine with that amount, thrilled even. I don't want to get overly focused on large amounts of weight lost.
Just some ramblings I needed to get out of my system.. that's all for now.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Pepsi

I think I have finally kicked my Pepsi habit. Maybe not to the point where I won't drink it with a meal while dining out.. but I have not had it in the house for about 3 weeks now. I was at the grocery store today and it was on sale.. and for a moment I thought.. oh I really should have some in the house for those times when I am REALLY craving it.. but in the end, I did not buy it. I know it is something I cannot have once I am banded. And I know in the past when I've tried Low/no carb diets the hardest part for me was the omition of soda from life. Which was a surprise-- I had no idea I was so addicted until I tried to go without it. So... a small step.. or maybe a little bigger than I thought.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Hi there!

Hi.. I wanted someplace not connected to AOL to blog about my upcoming LapBand surgery. My name is Jenn.. I'm 39.. and on September 4th, 2008 I am going to have a Lapband placed around my stomach. I am disappointed in myself that I have let my weight become this out of control. But it is what it is. I have tried so many diets only to fail and add on a few more pounds (for fun). I've been overweight most of my adult life. I struggled through my 20's always just a little pudgier than my girlfriends. But I worked out alot and managed to keep myself around 135 lbs... until I got married and had kids. By the time I had my first child I was up around 150. After having a bouncing baby girl, I never really lost the pregnancy weight and went on to have another baby. I was bedridden through most of the pregnancy due to complications. Fast forward 12 years.. and my weight is nearing 200lbs. I am only 5 foot 2. This is ALOT of weight for my frame. My knees hurt. My back hurts. I get tired easily. And this year, I've had to begin taking high blood pressure medication. Blood tests show I am borderline diabetic. Serious health risks.. I told myself it was time to get serious about weight loss.. and still.. my attempts at weight loss fail. :: sigh:::


Facing 40 with a Smile!